Oh my gosh, this was tough to read and relatable. I’m so sorry you went through that. I often wonder what goes through mens brain when they’re behaving in such predatory way. Then, I wonder what we, women, could accomplish if our brains weren’t preoccupied with fear of safety.
So relatable! I remember once seeking refuge in a fancy hotel on an otherwise desolate street in Naples. When I explained I was being followed by a drunk man who was shouting what he probably thought were quite charming chat-up lines to me, the male staff in the lobby were all "oh, we thought you were in real danger! I mean sure, stay here as long as you like, but that guy sounds harmless".
Ugh. So sorry this happened to you…and while with your daughter on top of everything else!! I have so many stories like this, it’s sad and frustrating. My bestie & I once hid in an airport bathroom in Bangkok bc we had just seen Taken and…yeah this guy had offered to share a car into the city together. (He was also on our flight.) Fortunately I haven’t had any creepy experiences when it’s just been my daughter and me. I feel like I might start screaming at the man to go away bc I really have a hard time keeping my cool when it comes to my kid.😅
That’s horrible, Sarah - and similar to that conversation we had on the dark walk back to Therma.
So many men do not realise just how common this is AND how radically different it is for a woman to walk or travel on their own.
Or you end up with statements like “well, they want to be equal and femi-na/is” (trying to avoid automod bots!). Totally missing the point that a desire for equal treatment does also come with a fairly polite request to not have men behave in this manner.
Anyway - glad you’re okay. Big ❤️ from both of us.
It won't come as any comfort to you, though, that men are just as careful - it's just that we're worried about ordinary assault, not sexual assault. We learn to avoid certain places at certain times, and learn that looking straight into a man's eyes means you either want to fuck him or fight him. And for men looking at men it's usually fight. Sometimes it's territorial and there are ways to de-escalate but it's still there as a threat.
You might imagine men are more capable physically, and to some degree this is true. But this thought can be a disadantage - a man, unlike a woman, can be under the illusion that he's capable of dealing with some thug. And in most cases he's not.
But most people would rather be assaulted than sexually-assaulted, so obviously that's worse on women's side, as potential victims. That's what makes yours a difficult, and sadly common story. Boys need to be smacked across the back of the head more often to teach them to grow up to be better men.
And to be clear: when women are afraid, it is almost always because of a man; when a men are afraid, it is almost always because of a man. This is toxic masculinity. But there is a tonic masculinity, where we do better, and ensure our sons do better.
Well, that was a mouthful. Men are dogs. There is one thing on their minds. Maybe two if they are hungry but seeing a woman without a bra shouts “she wants me “ into their brain.
We r hardwired to be drawn to beauty. It’s like breathing and we don’t have to think about it.
In a moment we see the girl and we r off on a fantastic voyage where she becomes a soul mate an anchor a lover and a loving patient listener when our ice cream falls off our cone in the hot summer sun.
And this is in the first three nanoseconds after we see nipples.
We r pathetic.
We are men.
And it takes a strong Holy Spirit to daily guide a man to see and appreciate beauty but not undress a girl.
It can be done.
But usually there must be ice cream involved.
The vendor thought you would understand he was only speaking the truth that in fact you actually did blow him away.
Two seconds after he saw u you and him were on a patio in Italy watching the sun go down over the lake. There was an understanding between you two.
Where u saw a perv he saw a soul mate.
Men launch out in these fantasies in a moment.
The struggle for a man is to see a woman bra or no and appreciate her beauty without being a dick.
The struggle for a woman is to forgive a man when he fails .
Not every man resonates with this message. Yeah, there definitely are guys out there like this, and on this way it is easier to be a guy, but don’t ever lose faith in what it means to inspire humanity and how a man can achieve the level of respect for a woman that she so rightfully deserves
I'm not sure that *not* listening to a true crime podcast would have prevented this man from literally following Sarah and her daughter from the metro to - nearly - her hotel. I do not listen to true crime podcasts, and yet I still notice when I am being harassed or worse.
To be fair, I think anyone who was followed like that would be afraid, even if they'd not heard a single true crime podcast in their life.
In the moments before I was smacked in the head by a complete stranger in the street I was afraid, because I knew it was coming. This was before podcasts existed. A reasonable anticipation of violence leads to fear, and I think it was quite reasonable for her to anticipate violence when she was being followed by a weirdo.
Oh my gosh, this was tough to read and relatable. I’m so sorry you went through that. I often wonder what goes through mens brain when they’re behaving in such predatory way. Then, I wonder what we, women, could accomplish if our brains weren’t preoccupied with fear of safety.
Your last sentence hits the spot!!! Thank you so much for reading!🩷
So relatable! I remember once seeking refuge in a fancy hotel on an otherwise desolate street in Naples. When I explained I was being followed by a drunk man who was shouting what he probably thought were quite charming chat-up lines to me, the male staff in the lobby were all "oh, we thought you were in real danger! I mean sure, stay here as long as you like, but that guy sounds harmless".
Yep, too relatable! I had the naive thought that once I had kids this kind of worry would melt away. :/
Unfortunately, it doesn’t but maybe a fake wedding ring would although I highly doubt it actually 🥲
This was hard to read, but, at the same time, so relatable. I am so sorry that you went through that.
Thank you for taking the time to read!! ❤️
Chilling, hard to read but an enthralling and very relatable read of what it’s like to be woman! So sorry that happened to you
Ugh. So sorry this happened to you…and while with your daughter on top of everything else!! I have so many stories like this, it’s sad and frustrating. My bestie & I once hid in an airport bathroom in Bangkok bc we had just seen Taken and…yeah this guy had offered to share a car into the city together. (He was also on our flight.) Fortunately I haven’t had any creepy experiences when it’s just been my daughter and me. I feel like I might start screaming at the man to go away bc I really have a hard time keeping my cool when it comes to my kid.😅
That’s horrible, Sarah - and similar to that conversation we had on the dark walk back to Therma.
So many men do not realise just how common this is AND how radically different it is for a woman to walk or travel on their own.
Or you end up with statements like “well, they want to be equal and femi-na/is” (trying to avoid automod bots!). Totally missing the point that a desire for equal treatment does also come with a fairly polite request to not have men behave in this manner.
Anyway - glad you’re okay. Big ❤️ from both of us.
This was a difficult story.
It won't come as any comfort to you, though, that men are just as careful - it's just that we're worried about ordinary assault, not sexual assault. We learn to avoid certain places at certain times, and learn that looking straight into a man's eyes means you either want to fuck him or fight him. And for men looking at men it's usually fight. Sometimes it's territorial and there are ways to de-escalate but it's still there as a threat.
You might imagine men are more capable physically, and to some degree this is true. But this thought can be a disadantage - a man, unlike a woman, can be under the illusion that he's capable of dealing with some thug. And in most cases he's not.
But most people would rather be assaulted than sexually-assaulted, so obviously that's worse on women's side, as potential victims. That's what makes yours a difficult, and sadly common story. Boys need to be smacked across the back of the head more often to teach them to grow up to be better men.
And to be clear: when women are afraid, it is almost always because of a man; when a men are afraid, it is almost always because of a man. This is toxic masculinity. But there is a tonic masculinity, where we do better, and ensure our sons do better.
Well, that was a mouthful. Men are dogs. There is one thing on their minds. Maybe two if they are hungry but seeing a woman without a bra shouts “she wants me “ into their brain.
We r hardwired to be drawn to beauty. It’s like breathing and we don’t have to think about it.
In a moment we see the girl and we r off on a fantastic voyage where she becomes a soul mate an anchor a lover and a loving patient listener when our ice cream falls off our cone in the hot summer sun.
And this is in the first three nanoseconds after we see nipples.
We r pathetic.
We are men.
And it takes a strong Holy Spirit to daily guide a man to see and appreciate beauty but not undress a girl.
It can be done.
But usually there must be ice cream involved.
The vendor thought you would understand he was only speaking the truth that in fact you actually did blow him away.
Two seconds after he saw u you and him were on a patio in Italy watching the sun go down over the lake. There was an understanding between you two.
Where u saw a perv he saw a soul mate.
Men launch out in these fantasies in a moment.
The struggle for a man is to see a woman bra or no and appreciate her beauty without being a dick.
The struggle for a woman is to forgive a man when he fails .
The eyes being drawn down during a conversation should be, I think, forgiveable by most women.
Following her home, no.
Not every man resonates with this message. Yeah, there definitely are guys out there like this, and on this way it is easier to be a guy, but don’t ever lose faith in what it means to inspire humanity and how a man can achieve the level of respect for a woman that she so rightfully deserves
I'm not sure that *not* listening to a true crime podcast would have prevented this man from literally following Sarah and her daughter from the metro to - nearly - her hotel. I do not listen to true crime podcasts, and yet I still notice when I am being harassed or worse.
To be fair, I think anyone who was followed like that would be afraid, even if they'd not heard a single true crime podcast in their life.
In the moments before I was smacked in the head by a complete stranger in the street I was afraid, because I knew it was coming. This was before podcasts existed. A reasonable anticipation of violence leads to fear, and I think it was quite reasonable for her to anticipate violence when she was being followed by a weirdo.