Stop raising "well-behaved" children

Other values you can aim for as a parent.

Similar to training a puppy, many parents raise their children with the main goal of fostering obedient human beings. Not only obedience to rules they came up with, but also certain societal rules that get inherited from one generation to the next with no one genuinely questioning them. The kinds of rules and beliefs that exist somewhere in our systems, yet we aren't even aware of, until we realize that it won't rain tomorrow just because we didn't finish our lasagna. While some rules are undoubtedly necessary to prevent society from collapsing into a huge mess, more often than not, these rules are actually hindering the development of our kids.

Hey there, I’m Sarah and I write about the reality of living a life away from the norm.

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It's not the parents' fault; it's the fault of a messed-up society. The greatest praise we usually receive as parents is when we manage to raise "well-behaved" children. I guess that originates from the fact that kids aren't genuinely welcomed in Western society; they're tolerated, yes. If they are "well-behaved," they might even receive some appreciation from a grandma we pass by on the street, who will instantly tell you that she just wished for her little, horrible grandchildren to be this "well-behaved." But don't you dare drag your not-so-"well-behaved" children to a public place. Suddenly, the said grandma, who just wanted to exchange your child for her own grandchildren, will turn on her resting bitch face and kill you with judgment.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have rules too. I simply don't expect my daughter to obey nonsensical rules, like kissing relatives when she doesn't want to, keeping her stuck in a high chair the entire time we're at a restaurant, or finishing her food so that the weather will be good tomorrow. Gosh, the list of nonsensical rules I inherited from my own upbringing is endless and toxic.

So, if we don't agree with existing rules, we have to design our own roadmap for raising our children. Not because we necessarily need a handbook for parenthood, but to remind us of the values we want to pass on to the next generation.

Here's my curated list featuring the five most important attributes I want my daughter to embody as she grows up. Hopefully, this list will inspire you to contemplate your own values and the teachings you want your kids to inherit.